Outcomes: Zang (20-11 and 10-7)
Two strong wins by the Glove deserve something better than just some bullet points mocking the other team and my insights on the new Expendables movie coming out (it rhymes with “lonertastic”). So to celebrate some well Gloved softball, I decided to dedicate these last two games to the Olympics. Labes and Gentlemen, please step up to the podium.
And the Gold Goes To: Hope
Judges Say: Men and women can agree that this is way more fun to watch than dude’s volleyball – kind of like Hope’s hits are way better than our #3 through #6 hitters on the Glove.
And the Gold Goes To: Casey
Judges Say: In order to win at archery you need a steady hand and pinpoint accuracy. Recently, Casey discovered an uncanny ability to hit a softball in a straight line directly into the opposing shortstop’s glove.
And the Gold Goes To: Fadam
Judges Say: A lot of times I watch handball and have no idea what is happening but I can’t take my eyes off the screen. Kind of like when Fadam titted a cheese steak, served it, and then decided that nothing would be accomplished by offering an apology.
And the Gold Goes To: Lisa
Judges Say: You never know what the judges are going to do in this event. Lisa knows the feeling after experiencing the Supreme Court decision to (obviously) uphold the health reform legislation.
Men’s Platform Diving
And The Gold Goes To: Chandler
Judges Say: These dudes rock outfits that make banana hammocks look like Zuba’s. Chandler’s shorts basically achieve a similar visual experience.
And the Gold Goes To: Jackson
Judges Say: This sport has the craziest/creepiest most involved coaches in the Olympics. You are our Bela Karoyi Sir Loin.
And the Gold Goes To: Andrew
Judges Say: Up and down. Up and down. Somehow Andrew went from hall of fame short-fielder to Tom Brunansky level short-fielder in the course of three outs.
And the Gold Goes To: Matt
Judges Say: When you bike over a hundred miles in one day for charity you deserve a medal.
And the Gold Goes To: Aaron Bill
Judges Say: I found myself learning more about this “sport” from going on the internet than actually watching the competition. Here are some things I learned about Aaron from his GChat status: his grandfather is in the football hall of fame and DeMaurice Smith responds to his emails. Thank you inter-webs.
And the Gold Goes To: Jason
Judges Say: Everything about this sport seems way too small. I’m not not trying to imply something about Jason’s dog.
And the Gold Goes To: Jen
Judges Say: Effort over execution. Ask Jen about her vaulting experience in high school when you get a chance.
And the Gold Goes To: Robb
Judges Say: This sport requires fast twitch muscles and being comfortable in uncomfortable positions. Robb showed he has mastered both when he caught an old man line drive headed for parts unknown.
And the Gold Goes To: Tristan
Judges Say: Although Kevin Garnett and Cody holding a fork were in the running, the Gold medal has to go to our one and only qualifying Junior Olympian (paperwork pending).
And the Gold Goes To: Judge
Judges Say: You didn’t think this post was going to end without the Judge giving herself something to wear next time she’s catching the last out of the game did you?
Street Credit Rating:
- Rampant nationalism: +11%
- Knowing the outcome of every event: -3%
- Rampant face painting: +7%
- Scoring 0.0 in a diving competition: -16%
Final Street Credit Rating: 132%